How to stand up for yourself when confronting loved ones

How to stand up for yourself when confronting loved ones
By ISABELLA CARRENO for The Daily Californian

For most of my life, I’ve been one of the loudest people in the room. Whether that be simply because I like to talk or because I inherited this trait from my parents, I’ve never been one to be silent — that is, until it comes to sticking up for myself in front of my loved ones. 

Although I have never had a problem with sticking up for myself in front of bullies or people I hardly know, doing it in front of people I love is a different story. There lies a delicate balance of respect and admiration between you and the people you love, and personally, I’ve always been afraid that sticking up for myself will tip the scales. I did not want to start a fight, nor did I want anyone to hate me. So, for most of my life, I chose the easiest and most amicable option: silence. 

However, as most of us know, silence in response to things that are bothersome is never a sustainable option, and eventually the truth comes out. In order to avoid the blow up or building resentment that comes with this “easier” response, I have a few tips on how to stick up for yourself to the people you love because, in truth, your needs ultimately matter just as much as those of the people you love. 

• If you feel too emotionally charged to start a productive conversation, make a note for later

• Consider the situation if the roles were reversed

• Be honest with yourself and view your needs with importance

Read the full article here for more information on each tip.

Excuse Me While I Do My Holiday Preset

Excuse Me While I Do My Holiday Preset
By Alyson Krueger for the New York Times

Right after Halloween, Ashley Guerra started being inundated with invitations — for Friendsgiving, for holiday parties and for New Year’s Eve.

“The holidays always feel a little chaotic,” said Ms. Guerra, 33, who lives in Dallas and works in product marketing for a tech company. “It’s more eating, more drinking, more late nights, more energy in showing up for other people.”

So this year she’s preparing by taking some time for herself ahead of Thanksgiving. “I’m filling up on my own cup,” she said.

In other words, Ms. Guerra is trying to give her body a break.

The holidays can be taxing, both mentally and physically. According to a poll from the American Psychiatric Association, 31 percent of Americans went into the 2022 holiday season expecting to feel more stressed than they did the previous year, up nine percentage points from 2021. The indulgent and constant eating and drinking, the financial strain of buying gifts and traveling, and the reunions with family members and old friends can all take a toll.

But some forward-thinking Americans are taking steps now to get their bodies and minds in fighting shape for what’s next —

Read the full article here to learn how some are minimizing holiday stress.

Opinion: Have fun with strangers. Democracy and our mental health may depend on it

Opinion:  Have fun with strangers. Democracy and our mental health may depend on it
By Jean Guerrero for Los Angeles Times

Over the past couple of years, I lost my fear of the Other.

It happened while I was picking up new hobbies, such as skating and dancing, while befriending a larger and more diverse array of people. In some cases, I bonded with people whose politics are very different from mine.

The disconnection I’d felt during the Trump administration and the height of the pandemic has largely waned, replaced by more hope and faith in my community and a stronger sense of well-being.

Could we all benefit from expanding our social circles?

Read the full article here.

Inga

"Through her memoirs, Inga reflects about love, old age and death. We are invited into her home, as she doing her morning rituals and baths in the cold lake. The short portrait shows in artistic and intimate pictures, a day in a life, how it's like being old and what it means for Inga."

Credits
Director & Cinematographer: Uffe Mulvad
Productions company: Uffe Mulvad

You are such an interesting conversation.

How To Belong Be Alone
Written and read by Pádraig Ó Tuama

It all begins with knowing
nothing lasts forever,
so you might as well start packing now.
In the meantime,
practice being alive.

There will be a party
where you’ll feel like
nobody’s paying you attention.
And there will be a party
where attention’s all you’ll get.
What you need to do
is to remember
to talk to yourself
between these parties.

And,
again,
there will be a day,
— a decade —
where you won’t
fit in with your body
even though you’re in
the only body you’re in.

You need to control
your habit of forgetting
to breathe.

Remember when you were younger
and you practiced kissing on your arm?
You were on to something then.
Sometimes harm knows its own healing
Comfort knows its own intelligence.
Kindness too.
It needs no reason.

There is a you
telling you another story of you.
Listen to her.

Where do you feel
anxiety in your body?
The chest? The fist? The dream before waking?
The head that feels like it’s at the top of the swing
or the clutch of gut like falling
& falling & falling and falling
It knows something: you’re dying.
Try to stay alive.

For now, touch yourself.
I’m serious.

Touch your
self.
Take your hand
and place your hand
some place
upon your body.
And listen
to the community of madness
that
you are.
You are
such an
interesting conversation.

You belong
here.

Stop Looking for the Perfect Partner

Stop Looking for the Perfect Person
Is the pursuit of a partner who meets all your criteria worthwhile or unrealistic? Two women on choosing imperfect love.

“The only three men I had ever imagined a future with all told me that something was missing,” Oz Johnson wrote in her Modern Love essay. When Oz was 23, her boyfriend said she met 99 percent of his criteria, but she was missing 1 percent. Over a decade later, another man broke up with her via email. Their love was almost perfect, he said, but not enough to last.

What is this missing, unquantifiable feeling? Oz used to be haunted by these rejections, but now she has come to embrace the search for imperfect love.

After: Nancy Cardwell wasn’t looking for love — but then, at 58 years old, she fell passionately in love with tango. Her newfound zeal for the dance took her to Buenos Aires, where she fell in love again — this time, with a man named Luis.

“I believe that when you are with a wonderful person, but something is missing, you take your partner’s hand and search for it together.”

Listen to the episode here.

What Does It Really Mean to Dissociate?

What Does It Really Mean to Dissociate?
By Christina Caron for The New York Times

Have you ever zoned out?

Maybe you have experienced highway hypnosis, with no recollection of having driven from Point A to Point B. Or maybe you have zero memory of something you just read.

These are mild forms of dissociation, which is the ability to disconnect from our thoughts, feelings, environment or actions.

Dissociation can even help athletes do their jobs, for instance, because it “allows people to focus on the most salient or life-preserving aspects of a situation” without mental interference, said Janina Fisher, a psychologist who has been treating dissociative disorders for decades.

But sometimes people experience a major form of dissociation, often in the aftermath of overwhelming trauma. In this case, the dissociative symptoms become more extreme and frequent.

What are the dissociative disorders?

Rather than fight or flee in a stressful or threatening situation, some people “freeze,” said Dr. Frank W. Putnam, a professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine and an expert on dissociative disorders. “That’s the dissociative state where you shut down and you kind of go away.”

Although dissociation can help a person mentally escape during a threat, it can interfere with daily life when people continue to dissociate during benign situations. Some people might find themselves in a new location without knowing how they got there, for example.

Frequent experiences like that make dissociation pathological, Dr. Putnam said. It becomes a disorder when you space out and “lose time” long enough that it interferes with your life in a significant way, he added.

The three most common and well-known dissociative disorders are: dissociative identity disorder, depersonalization/derealization disorder and dissociative amnesia.

The common thread in each is a disruption of identity.

Read the full article here.